Contemplation:The words that remained unspoken,the thoughts that kept on pounding and resonating,the cogs that kept on turning,again and again.
“Should I ask him?…or maybe not.I do not know what is going on really.Why can’t he just let me in?I thought we were already past that.I thought we had broken down those walls,together.I thought we were at a point where we could see through each other’s soul.
We are not a couple,I repeat not a couple,not dating,not nothing haha because c’mon I don’t see him in that way,ever.I know people say that platonic is such a ridiculous thing,that it’s just an excuse people use to get out of situations(I do not know which situations these could be honestly)but this,like what I’m saying is that…uurgh,you get what I’m saying,right?
He is the only friend I know of,all the others are mere companions,acquiantances.I do not even do labels like bestie,bff,cff and all that shebang’.I just know that we connect on a very different level,unknown to the world around us,ineffable to everyone else.Its only him and I,you know?As corny as that sounds oh! and a 3rd person too,that amazing big guy up there.
There’s something going on here and I cannot wrap my head around it.He’s falling back to that old habit of his;the forced smiles,the slouched shoulders,the looks he keeps on giving me that he thinks I’m oblivious to.How more obvious can he get?This used to be like routine a while back till we took the right steps going forward and now he thinks he’s going to go back into that slump,nope,not on my watch.The saddest thing is that this side of his comes with a handful of jokes and more stories,so ironic.I have never understood where all these stems from really.
And the thing that hurts me though I don’t show it is that I know all these and I know you know that I know it so damn well but I’m waiting for a miracle to happen,you know like some sense to finally snap in that head of yours.For you to do something,say a word,any word and stop this nonsense already.I have a bad feeling in my gut that this is gonna be a hurricane crashing on both of us,hard
.I hope you speak up before I start my rounds of ‘playing cop’ and we both know you don’t like it or do you now?We’ll know about that sooner or later.
I’m so sure it will be sooner.”
(“This is her inner voice speaking*makes sounds of clearing throat*Can they read this Jo?cz I WANT them to”
(she calls me Jo,how cool can she get?)
“yuuuup,go ahead you’ve been nagging me since I can even try remembering”
“Yea yea,whatever*sneers*Being in her head is such a roller-coaster man!Like where should I even start*sighs*…….”
“I have to cut her right there because she rants and rumbles and cusses like a sailor.”)