BLUES & HUES

…I see blue and my mind takes me places,

places I never knew existed,

places that show me a mix of fulfillment,ecstasy, souls soaring and everything in between that,

places that wring me of all bad thoughts I have harbored,

places that show me love,love and some more love,…

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You don’t know the love one attaches to something,anything really, until you see it radiating off their already glistened faces as they talk about it and how they will tilt their heads to your direction fully so you can have their undivided attention and how they will pause in between,lengthy pauses as they peruse through their memory to get just the right words for the description,you notice little things like maybe how they are keenly watching your expressions for the smallest changes,maybe you will nod or not or maybe your eyes will light up too.You just never know.

It’s on a Tuesday.I love Tuesdays for no important reason.I feel like Tuesdays have sense and purpose,like it’s the day when the week has decided to put it’s shit together and it’s ready to kick some ass.I am always down for whatever,even if the professor decides to extend class,no frowns or grumbles will be heard from my end(best believe I don’t like that shit and I don’t hide it too).My alarm has gone off with that irritating tone that I love to the farthest ends of this universe.Is that even correct grammar? ‘gone off’,this word sounds odd, a bit foreign and very distant,it’s not rolling off my tongue how I like it.I digress.I am contemplating and making calculations how I am getting to town with this shower,the rains have begun and I have to keep up with them lest I face rotten days.

I am meeting up with my friend,this early morning, for an important business of course.A movie.Don’t roll your eyes already.It has always been in my To-Smash List and now I can check it off.The main ingredient to this  friendship of ours is spontaneity and we nail it, right on the head.See,I call him the day before and ask him if he wants to go watch a movie the next day,the conversation is something like this;

Kesho what time?

What time are you free?

(You have to start from a point of familiarity and concern in cajoling someone.)

Ona naenda interview fulani and I don’t know how long it will take.

What time is the interview kwani?

Around one

Like one o’clock one o’clock asin lunch time

Yeah,asin one o’clock one o’clock lunch time.

(I roll my eyes.He’s definitely making this shit up)

There’s a lengthy pause.

What time do you want to go? he asks

Big mistake,my friend.Big mistake asking me that.

‘uum, so it’s either the 8:00 am one or late in the evening like 6:00 pm ’cause I have classes in the afternoon, there’s also an 8:00 pm and a 10:00 pm one but we both know that’s not happening. Sooo… 8:00 am?’

Aaaaiiii, ati morning!

c’mon you’ve never stepped into a movie theatre asubuhi mbichi.There’s got to be a first time.And the prices at that time won’t leave holes in your wallet,or lack thereof.

Jooooy

Your pockets I mean,your pockets.

Imax right?

Yup.I bet that’s the only one in the CBD.

So,300 bob.

Yeah, actually it’s 150 150 but inaonekana you’re paying for me.

(Fits of laughter erupt from the other end)

Hauko serious aki,unaniinvite na haunilipii.Utaniruka hivyo

It’s my turn to laugh now.I don’t think I showed or said anything that has double meanings there.

Eeh msee,adios basi ,if it’s going to be a hustle then don’t stress.

(Take points,friends)

Zii,I’m coming.

And to think that he was bluffing,I get a call at 6.43 am the next day ati he’s confirming if I’ve woken up. Of course I’ve woken up,whether he was to come or not I would still have gone ahead with my solo plans.Fast forward the morning hustles and the movie to around 10:30 am.I insist on taking him to the “claimed”  interview.We are crossing Mama Ngina Street,I think and I spot this new car and immediately I think it’s cool because it’s blue,but that’s not our argument.He’s saying the guy was in the process of looking for a parking spot and trying to manoeuvre to get the car there because it was being driven slowly however it’s pretty clear that the car was heading out and he was on the look out of other cars from either sides.This goes on for a solid five minutes until I mutter silently, But did you see that blue color,I do not know where I should start from,to describe the feeling.Like I can’t…

My eyes landed on that gem not because it was a BMW or a Mercedes or a Jaguar or a Ford,I don’t even know the beginning of all these motor companies but because it was blue,it was a sparkling kind of blue,the one that will light your eyes up in awe.You could not miss it,not a chance.It was a nice shade of cobalt blue but slightly with a lapis tint.You could tell how good he took care of this baby of his.I could bet you a 1000 bob he had a name for this moty,they call it moty yes?

Blue is not just a colour for me,not just my favorite colour.

I see blue and my mind takes me places,

places I never knew existed,

places that show me a mix of fulfillment,ecstasy, souls soaring and everything in between that,

places that wring me of all bad thoughts I have harbored,

places that show me love,love and some more love,

places that are so blue,all my blues fade away into thin air

and

an unknown feeling takes over me;

I can’t tell if it’s within my flesh or spirit really,

all I know is that I am in one with myself

it holds me captive, seeps itself all the way to my arteries and embeds itself there

I feel serenity and tranquility dripping from my pores,from all openings all at once.

It’s powerful yet calming at the same time,

it fills the spaces between my ribcage and my skeleton of a body,

flowing in synchronization,

to the tip of my head all the way to my toes and,

I feel my self rise higher and higher,

floating to uncharted lands

my feet slowly leaving the ground

my eyelids shut tight,trying to capture all of it in as many intakes as I can.

I feel my body parts disintegrate and integrate simultaneously,

it’s like all over a sudden everything has been turned on

’cause what else can explain this phenomenon?

feeling alive?

feeling light beaming off you?

feeling the energy within you surging a storm?

maybe blue is the switch that has been flickered on,

maybe blue does turn me on

and do I like it?

Yes,yes I do.

 

the passion and desire ravaging my soul all the damn time is the only reasonable explanation I’ve got.

 

 

 

joymoraa©

 

 

 

A Series of Muddles &Chaos;The Ecstatic Kind!

I am disillusioned and that I am going to spill things on my way.It’s already enough that I am not walking on a straight path.I wash my face,apply some vaseline,walk out and let some of that good sunshine that had come out while I was asleep hit my face,specifically my left eye.Please do that magic on your black girl,let those rays open this swollen bitch up.But that yellow ball was not spitting any of it’s usual waves.It had this cool demeanor with it today,only there because it had to,emitting just enough light,you know to prove it was daylight

PEEP INTO MY PERSONAL SPACE:EPISODE 102

It’s raining,not heavily but not lightly as well.I moved out recently and I miss the sound of the splatter of rain on the corrugated iron sheets above me,it’s a calming,soothing sound.During these times,I always love picking a book or a good series and a shawl big enough to stir up the heat and relish in it,but most times,I end up sleeping after fifteen minutes that’s after dozing off like three times and finally submitting,being the sleep slave that I am.But that’s not what I want to write about, my rainy season habits or patterns or my otherwise rants on how there is more traffic for a reason that I am unaware of or even worse,there are always no matatus headed to town(from where I stay} I guess they are also stuck in traffic but you guys should have woken up early enough because it’s your damn job,now we have to struggle listening to this nduthi guys over the gushing wind while holding onto your life because of how they swerve and clutching onto your bag as well and on top of that their endless stories,where you just have to go along with what they are saying,like dude,si you just nyamaza and take me to my destination,I pay Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar and we go our ways,both of us satisfied,No hassle huh?  But I won’t bore you with any of that.If you’ve gotten this far without switching tabs or shutting down your chrome,then stay on board,it’s going to be a long ride,at least I told you guys.

Movie Theatres at 8:05 AM 

Can April get any better?The rains ,just the chilly weather gets my ovaries all up there.That did not make any sense.But I can say whatever I want.You know what will get your ovaries all up there?The Fate of the Furious,in short ,fast & furious 8.Yes,I woke up at 6.30 am to go watch a movie.Misplaced priorities,I tell you.But it’s fast 8,it’s already justified.I should cross that out of my Mini Smash List.If you’re a Fast&Furious die hard,you know the gist of it.If you’re not,tag along.It is an action,adventure oriented film coupled with some pretty cool cars, humour,good humour I tell you and the adrenaline rush,I have no words,the adrenaline rush comes in waves and in high tides,you would not even remember it’s eight in the morning and you have some boring classes afterwards.The ending is pretty obvious,and the dynamics of the film too,but this is not the movie you watch to see it’s end or sijui the plot or how good the I-don’t-know-what are but to live for the fast cars,the action,the insanity,the craziness, the drama,the twists and I low key live for the sound effects.I don’t even like cars that much but heck,that neon orange lambo! You’ve got to watch it,in a movie hall nonetheless.It’s not a rip off and it’s so worth it.See how I will suck big time in doing reviews?Though I have to say that Cipher,she had some pretty cool dreadlocks that I kept on scrutinizing was IT for me.She was a proper Bad Bitch.

My favorite line;

“I’m gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat you’ll have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to brush ’em.

So,if you’re going to be watching it,buckle up and enjoy the ride.I am still riding on that high.

When the night falls-part I

I figured I talk too much,even in writing so I’m gonna split it into two parts.

Pawa 254,is a creative space and all that good stuff that art junkies love .PAWA254 was created to support and foster young creatives and promote arts and culture geared towards social impact in Kenya.I have literally copy pasted that,how unoriginal Jojo,but you do get the idea.

It’s 4th of April,on a lazy Tuesday evening,it’s after class and it has been a long day,okay it has not honestly but it just feels like it has.I turn on my internet connection,to check any notifications from the class group chat,because it’s the start of another academic year and there’s that expected confusion,mixing up of rooms with other faculties, lecturers standing us up.It’s the first week I mean,so it’s not that bad.My girl, justified ecstacy(she has an amazing blog too,check her here)had hit me up like at around 1900 hours and even before opening,I knew it was an art thing and since she’s my buddy in these ventures we are always out,looking for gigs and what not.My elation goes up a notch.She has sent me a poster about an event at pawa,apparently that’s how it called in these streets.I even get more excited when I see that the entry is free,so I reply to her message immediately, I’m game.Okay I did not say that,I’m not that cool,but it sounds pretty cool in my head,like …uum..dang it,you get it.So,the next few days whisk away like sand through one’s fingers and it’s Thursday,I am heading for my Philosophy class with a couple of friends having the normal banter to and fro.

“Jojo…jojo…hol’up”

that’s how she speaks literally,I am not exaggerating this.So,si I stop and wait for her to catch up.

“I don’t know if I will be able to make it on Friday,something has come up and it’s at the same time, but I will let you know tomorrow if I will come,” she says,apologetically.Her face says more than her words can.And I knew the moment she said ‘something has come up’ ,it won’t end up well and I will be solo on this.

“Uum..eazeh.We’ll figure it out kesho then.No worries sis”I tell her reassuringly,with an ear to ear smile plastered on my face and I mean it.So we rush to class before we give our lecturer,that old lady a bad day.

My mind wheels had already started turning.I do not know where the heck pawa is.I just know it’s somewhere around uptown, around statehouse road,Nairobi Serena hotel,you know something of the sort.My oh my! Now what am I gonna do,huh?I might as well stay behind and try to watch Game of thrones,I should really put more effort in moving from episode 4.I think I have lost the story line by now.Season 1!You can give up on GOT you know,the buzz doesn’t mean a thing.You know you’re never gonna move from that episode yeah?

Subconsciously,I open Google Maps and type Pawa 254 on the search bar, as I zoom in I relax a bit.It’s not that bad.Get this,I am so bad with directions,both giving and taking,like I can not express it in writing.And this is worse because it’s a new place for me.So,if I say it’s not that bad,I do mean it is not.

It’s Friday afternoon and a wave of sickness hits me and I am almost into bursts of tears because this is not how I envisioned my Friday.It was supposed to be filled with positive energy but I guess the chilly morning already scraped that away.I try to sleep to get the sickness to go away.I don’t know much about this theory,but it works because the mind is a powerful tool folks and you can get it to do what you want,look at Dynamo and Troy,huh?

I wake up and I am feeling slightly better but my left eye is swollen and my vision is quite interesting.I used to wonder when the girl ,who used to sit in front me in high school, got these things,how she used to see,how was she feeling,like my inquisitive nature was always trying to force itself out through my mouth but somehow,I never came around to ask her.Now,I was in her boots and,My God! these boots are NOT comfy in any way possible,even wearable.I feel like I am disillusioned and that I am going to spill things on my way.It’s already enough that I am not walking on a straight path.I wash my face,apply some vaseline,walk out and let some of that good sunshine that had come out while I was asleep hit my face,specifically my left eye.Please do that magic on your black girl,let those rays open this swollen bitch up.But that yellow ball was not spitting any of it’s usual waves.It had this cool demeanor with it today,only there because it had to,emitting just enough light,you know to prove it was daylight.Frustrated,I head back to my ka-house and sit on my bed,with my head in my cupped hands,making calculations.I decide I’m going to head out and check out a club thingy I had seen on the school mail and then come back and hit the bed, for a long night of travelling south to slumber land,or north.

Let’s just say I am spontaneous like that.

I am in a City Hoppa along Mbagathi Way,receiving change from the conductor as I am chatting with another friend of mine about how her holiday is coming along.She convinced me that some fresh air and maybe good music and poetry will make me feel better.Besides,that’s my kind of thing.Kipendacho roho ni dawa,literally.She alights at Kenyatta and I am left thinking,maybe I should have stayed back because my eye starts that irritating feel that’s begging me to scratch it out, and we all know how that always ends up and I am in a public transport bus where I know no single soul.So,I don’t risk it.

I get off at Serena and start walking up sijui Processional way.(I am confirming with Google Maps.Navigation is a no-no for me.)After around eight minutes of rearranging myself,I find my way up State House Road and I am almost relieved because my location shows I am really close to pawa,so I hasten my steps because it’s 17:38 hours,the event was to start at 17:00 hours but we’re all Africans and I have gone for a tad too many of these things to know how accurate they are with their African timing.It’s always going to be +2 hours.I always like to be in time to a new place,to familiarize myself with the place and make a friend or two,if my social anxiety allows me.

After walking for close to a solid twenty minutes,I start to realize I am going round the wall and chances are there’s no opening around or even in the next kilometre or so.I have walked quite a distance and sweat is pouring out of me like a fountain.Looking around there’s no one to ask for help,it’s just a straight up road with personal cars speeding up one lane and on the other lane,traffic is bulding up slowly.This day can not get any better?I think out loud.I keep on walking at a steady pace,hoping to see a person,anyone,at this moment,I don’t really care.I have thrown all my worries somewhere at the back of my brain,for the time being.

I see a lady who seems to be in her early forties,walking the opposite direction and I stop her.She’s giving me this quizzical look.

“Sasa,unaeza jua penye pawa 254 iko”

“aaiiii…hapo dio wapi sasa?” she says with a Kikuyu laden voice,with an unmistaken motherly tone.You could not miss it.

“okay,ni place yenye musicians hupatana na kupractice na vitu ka hizo na pia wanakuwanga na maevents and youths hukuwa hapo pia.Hujawai sikia watu wakiimba ukipita hapa ama kitu ka iyo tu?,” I ask with a helpless voice,my most humble tone in action.

I try to describe it simply,she seems like she works around here so I hoped she would know of pawa.I feel like mentioning Boniface Mwangi,penye ule activist wa politics na human rights hukuwa based ,but I decide against it.

“Heee! mimi hapo sijui.Lakini nadhani hapo penye unasema ni hapa nyuma, juu naskiaga wakisheza gitaa na pia sauti nzuri nzuri zikitoka mahali hapa,hebu twede hivi nikuonyeshe.Eeeh, niko na uhakika ni hapo unaongelelea.Si ni karibu kila siku kunakuwanga na kitu hapo?”

I nod,my hopes rising.

“eeeh ni hapo”

.And because it’s the only creative hub I know of around there,I am sure it’s the one she’s talking of.

“Hee! Na si umetembea sana.Ukienda hivi kwenda juu utaenda mbali sana,itabidi umezunguka hii ukuta yote,msichana wangu.Hii state house road hukuwa lefu sana na si wewe pekee umepotea hata.Classic Kenyan,I smirk.Watu wegi huconfuse hii njia,alafu unajua hakuna hata magari huku matatus,she means hata askari hutapata.Sasa ungefanya nini kama hungepata mtu kwa njia don’t get ahead of yourself woman heee na giza inaingia hata si kitu mbaya ingekufanyikia na wewe ni msichana eh?”she chimes away,as if to no one in particular,with concern laced on her voice.

c’mon,it’s not even six o’clock but you do have a valid point.

“Yaani,ningeendelea kutembea hivi,”I chip in ,at least to let her know I am not another ungrateful bastard,”Aki asante mum hujui venye umenisaidia aki huwezi jua,thanks sana”

“Hakuna shida,iyo njia unafaa kueda ni hapo juu tu.Unaona opposite Kenyatta,unapada juu tu kidogo ni kama unaenda hapo Integrity Centre,iyo building ya yero,halafu upade juu tena.Si mbali hata,ni hapo tu.”

I kid you not,I was even more confused but I smiled and was nodding as she kept explaining with a lot of unnecessary handiwork.Kenyans,sigh!

I tell her my thank you’s once again and turn to follow her ‘directions’.Long story short,I was trailing a certain couple and I eavesdropped their conversation.who raised you up?where are your manners?In my defence they were so loud and clearly they were headed to pawa,so I hopped onto their bandwagon ,from the back of course by that I mean I kept a safe distance behind them.We arrive at the place.I am tired,hungry,my feet are aching and I am sweating alot,even the guard asks me why I look so bothered and I just heave a sigh of relief and wave him off.Stories with guards are always so plastic to me,so no,not today soldier.

We are shown to the rooftop and the shock that greets my eyes,

Part II coming up,it was too long I  had to break it folks.

FIX YOU – NUGGET IV

“Roman Okeyo”,a female voice calls out my name,louder than I would like.I am not here for the attention lady,I grumble,though not out loud.It would not be that bad to get myself a beau who has problems piling up like myself, at least we will drown ourselves in our own miseries and no one will throw us pitying looks.

She pronounces it with an English accent that is clipped on the edges with a Gujrati accent.She is young and full of life,one can tell from her bright face that descends to a sharp contrast  when it meets her neckline,but that’s none of my business.She is wearing a black pencil skirt and an orange blouse,that is too bright for my own liking and her breasts are pressing the linen quite firmly, trying to force their way out and I can not help but stare.She almost catches my gaze before I quickly look away as a sharp tinge goes all the way down to my crotch.I don’t bother to check her behind because c’mon you know why.She seems to be between the ages of 26 and 32 and reminds me of Lisa,mom’s personal assistant,

I have spent the last one and a half hour staring at these white tiles,that are being mopped every ten minutes or so,I don’t understand why private institutions keep on doing that and yet they don’t serve a large multitude.But I did not give a shit about whoever’s the janitor on duty or how many shifts he’s working either.

Cory.

Cory was the only thing going through my mind and my heart broke for our friendship that I was poking holes into,massive holes.Cory,the girl who brought life to my soulless existence,the girl who kept on telling me that life is shit but there’s plenty of toilet paper going round and mint if I’d like some.She was sunshine and rain,whiskey and coffee,pain and laughter.I don’t know how she managed to carry the weight of the world on those fragile shoulders of hers but she did and boy,did I look up to her,without her knowledge of course, or those trumpets would still be blowing.She has been looking at me in the eye a thousand times and asking whatever the hell was going on with me and I keep on shrugging and walking away,literally.If I decide to speak,all the walls will come down and everything that I have been trying to protect will crumble,until three days ago,The nerve this girl has.

Cory: you know you’re an asshole

Rom: I know,that’s not news

Cory:why?

Rom: why what Cory?(I give her a puzzled look)

Cory: why are you being so difficult all over sudden?Why are you closing me out? Damnit!

Rom: I have no idea what the he..

Cory: You have no idea “what the heck is going on,”she air quotes,Let me tell you something,you stupid dimwit…

Rom: but I thought dimwit and stupid are one and the same thing ,Cory…

Cory: No,don’t.Stop right there.I am not going to have any of that today,not now…(she closes her eyes for a second,as if she’s organizing her thoughts)Listen here.I am not going to follow you around like some little pet and wag my tail for you and fetch your ball or rub my fur against your hairy legs to make you feel better.Are you even listening?It’s a damn analogy,stop making that face Rom.I am so serious right now and your eyes are crinkling at the edges like a twelve year old who’s figured girls out for the first time.

Rom: …but dogs don’t have fur,Cory and what a genius you are,I was twelve when…

The next thing I know, my face is trapped between her hands as she tries to search for a hint but in vain.We are forehead to forehead,eye to eye,nose to nose, but her nostrils are flaming up and I can see the nose hairs threatening to lunge towards me.As I am still analyzing this girl’s facial structure,the next words throw me off balance.Women and their mouths.Sigh

Cory: Rom…(she starts off in a small , an almost unheard voice)..this thing that you’re trying is not working for you, not even for the people around you.You had better come to your senses and when you do, waste no time in looking for a girl called Coryne,whom you call Cory,yes,that girl who calls you at 1 am to remind you that you’re something to someone and the one you call when you’re too wasted to go home,that one.It’s me I’m referring to,you know, just in case you had forgotten.You know what you’ll do when you find her.Until then,we are not on speaking terms.And don’t use your not-so-creative ways,that I disapprove of already, to try whatever it is that you’re thinking of currently.

Rom: But..but how do you even…

Cory: And while you’re at it,GET YOUR OWN DAMN BALL!

which ball Cory?Tell me which ball“I asked,more to myself.

And with that she walked away,swaying her small waist,but I did not miss that twinkle in her eye and how high her cheekbones were,when she showed me her back immediately.Don’t suppress the laughter,yes,I know you so well.That’s my girl.But until when?

•••

Slowly, I lifted my heavy weight from the silver leather seats and strode to Dr. Algreya’s large as life office.I concluded that doctors need a big ass office because they spend almost all their lives helping weaklings like us come back to life.I am already smiling as all the stories of his crazy wife .famously known as The Ladybird, who left him for a tycoon resurface.I am lost in my thoughts when I push the heavy door at the same time I feel someone pulling it from inside,so I politely move aside to let the other person slide out with no awkward moments, and then my eyes meet with the other person as I pave the way but I quickly move in front,to block them.

“Well well well,this should be interesting” I chime,with gritted teeth.

“Rom”,they whisper, with a fear etched somewhere in their throats.

All I can see is the sight before me.My mind has gone to a blank and time seems to have stood still for both of us.I want to move but my legs all over sudden have become leaden.I can feel the heat emanating from all my openings and pores,as it is coming off in waves and I cannot miss the ones from the other person.We are both absorbed in these oscillating waves,on the same wavelength, as scintillating as it is in this space.That makes two of us,friend.

“Aah Okeyo,my man, you’re here! I have great stories packed for you, you know The Ladybird called….” I hear Dr.Algreya’s voice from a distant as it fades to the background.

 

 

So,hello folks.It’s been a minute since I penned anything down,been working on myself and I vowed to myself to be as consistent as I can(Tuesdays,even as you go ahead to Biko Zulu,stop by here as well) even on other days oh and do tell a friend to tell a friend.Sharing is Caring!