NOTE TO SELF

NOTES TO SELF/002

Everybody’s born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I’d really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can’t seem to do it. They just don’t get it. Of course, the problem could be that I’m not explaining it very well, but I think it’s because they’re not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they’re not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things.”

       –Haruki Murakami,The WindBird Chronicle


~love,peace and joy~

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Bravery or Bravado?

But here’s a little secret for you:

no one is ever the same thing again after anything.

You are never the same twice,

and much of your unhappiness comes from trying to pretend that you are.

Accept that you are different each day, and do so joyfully, recognizing it for the gift it is.

Work within the desires and goals of the person you are currently,

until you aren’t that person anymore,

and everything changes once again.”

                  -Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 75 

 

 

 

 

P.S-I don’t own any of the content above.I am just sharing:)

 

 

∼love,peace and joy∼

Particular Creatures.

I don’t have a particular reason why I have not been writing really, leave alone posting on this small space I managed to create all by myself. I have tried journaling (I can’t call it that really, but close enough) I just pick a pen and it’s me spilling these unknown sparks that are electrifying really but I can’t put my finger around really, about a particular creature

These sparks come in waves, high tides and low tides at times but high tides most of the time and my mind goes into overdrive and it’s another universe I kid you not; of meteors and shooting stars, astronauts gliding through, stardust is your typical sand or soil if you like, at times I see unicorns galloping? I don’t know.I never once thought I would see this mythical creature that some beings called humans have a strong belief in, it’s a weird world.

My body is no longer my body, I can tell. It’s because I know this body so well having been its willing prisoner for the last eighteen years. I see this bare body growing cobalt blue wings instantaneously, wings that glow, that shine like all the stars put together and then blown over the wings, it’s a breath-taking sight.

It does not end there; barefoot, the feet tread barefoot softly, the legs, they are adorned with feathers in an intricate pattern, that go all the way to the torso, past to the belly and the two hills perched just where they are supposed to be, these feathers are of an exotic kind, crafted with dexterity on this body and on the head, a crown of daisies sits perfectly, white ones and there’s a whole trail of all kinds of flowers drooping from the ends of the hair- lilies, peonies, tulips, orchids, dandelions, daffodils, hydrangea and dahlias and then there are more,others are floating around her, these ones are different with shades of marigold and strawberry, with hues of lilac.They are opening and closing in synchrony as if they are warming the soul up,lulling it,soothing it,over and over.The face is invisible or maybe it’s the radiance from the face that’s too bright and shimmery that I can not make a perception.

When I say my body is not my body I really mean it, I mean flowers do not strike any chords within me but daisies are quite something else, don’t you think?But,I am so fucking exhausted of harbouring thoughts about this particular creature, creating and recreating, thinking and overthinking at times I want to literally pour a bucket of cold water to extinguish all these fires that are all over my whole existence because in my opinion, one cannot have one muse all the damn time.But the irony of this is that after having all these thoughts of shunning these little fires, either my senses flip over or they come to life and start adding coal and wood to these fires, causing bonfires to be lit all over, I won’t lie.I love that shit.

This particular creature is metaphoric, haha.Is it a friend? maybe Is it family? Is it a pet that I dearly cherish? Who knows? Or maybe it’s a boy or a girl? Take your chances!

What is your particular creature? One that makes your skin tingle and at the same time fire up,but because you lost control of a part in you to this being, unknowingly, you can not help it.Do tell.

 

 

Sing

Sing all the time.

Sing offkey.

Sing in a silly voice.

Sing like you’re on stage.

Sing no matter who is around.

Singing is breathing for the soul.

SING!

Katey Chrest via thinly

Sidenote: Eid Mubarak! ♥Love and Light♥

I see the world in wonder

 

“Have you ever seen the wonder in the glimmer of first sight
As the eyes begin to open and the blindness meets the light
If you have so say;

I see the world in light, I see the world in wonder
I see the world in life, bursting in living colour
I see the world your way, and I’m walking in the light

Have you ever seen the wonder in the air of second life
Having come out of the waters with the old one left behind
If you have so say;

I see the world in light, I see the world in wonder
I see the world in life, bursting in living colour
I see the world Your way, and I’m walking in the light

I see the world in grace

I see the world in gospel

I see the world Your way

I see the world in love

I see the world in freedom

I see the Jesus way

You’re the wonder in the wild

I see the world Your way

And I’m not afraid to follow

I see the world Your way

And I’m not ashamed to say so

I see the Jesus way

I see the world in light
I see the world in wonder
I see the world in life
Bursting in living colour
I see the world Your way
And I’m walking in the light

I see the world in grace
I see the world in gospel
I see the world Your way
And I’m walking in the light
I’m walking in the wonder
You’re the wonder in the wild
Turning wilderness to wonder

I see the world in love
I see the world in freedom
I see the Jesus way
You’re the wonder in the wild”

-HILLSONG UNITED (WONDER)

This song is beautiful.I have just typed the lyrics of Hillsong’s new song and listening to it just touches my heart and lifts my spirit, knowing that there’s this amazing guy up there who’s just …. amazing, I mean, I don’t have enough words fit to express it.

♥Spread love♥

 

 

Self

Take many photos of yourself.

Take photos of yourself when you’re happy.

Take photos of yourself when you’re sad.

Take photos of yourself because

there are million of trees in the world,

and we all look at the same sky,

but there’s only one of you.

∼ Katey Chrest via thinly∼

A Series of Muddles &Chaos;The Ecstatic Kind!

I am disillusioned and that I am going to spill things on my way.It’s already enough that I am not walking on a straight path.I wash my face,apply some vaseline,walk out and let some of that good sunshine that had come out while I was asleep hit my face,specifically my left eye.Please do that magic on your black girl,let those rays open this swollen bitch up.But that yellow ball was not spitting any of it’s usual waves.It had this cool demeanor with it today,only there because it had to,emitting just enough light,you know to prove it was daylight

PEEP INTO MY PERSONAL SPACE:EPISODE 102

It’s raining,not heavily but not lightly as well.I moved out recently and I miss the sound of the splatter of rain on the corrugated iron sheets above me,it’s a calming,soothing sound.During these times,I always love picking a book or a good series and a shawl big enough to stir up the heat and relish in it,but most times,I end up sleeping after fifteen minutes that’s after dozing off like three times and finally submitting,being the sleep slave that I am.But that’s not what I want to write about, my rainy season habits or patterns or my otherwise rants on how there is more traffic for a reason that I am unaware of or even worse,there are always no matatus headed to town(from where I stay} I guess they are also stuck in traffic but you guys should have woken up early enough because it’s your damn job,now we have to struggle listening to this nduthi guys over the gushing wind while holding onto your life because of how they swerve and clutching onto your bag as well and on top of that their endless stories,where you just have to go along with what they are saying,like dude,si you just nyamaza and take me to my destination,I pay Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar and we go our ways,both of us satisfied,No hassle huh?  But I won’t bore you with any of that.If you’ve gotten this far without switching tabs or shutting down your chrome,then stay on board,it’s going to be a long ride,at least I told you guys.

Movie Theatres at 8:05 AM 

Can April get any better?The rains ,just the chilly weather gets my ovaries all up there.That did not make any sense.But I can say whatever I want.You know what will get your ovaries all up there?The Fate of the Furious,in short ,fast & furious 8.Yes,I woke up at 6.30 am to go watch a movie.Misplaced priorities,I tell you.But it’s fast 8,it’s already justified.I should cross that out of my Mini Smash List.If you’re a Fast&Furious die hard,you know the gist of it.If you’re not,tag along.It is an action,adventure oriented film coupled with some pretty cool cars, humour,good humour I tell you and the adrenaline rush,I have no words,the adrenaline rush comes in waves and in high tides,you would not even remember it’s eight in the morning and you have some boring classes afterwards.The ending is pretty obvious,and the dynamics of the film too,but this is not the movie you watch to see it’s end or sijui the plot or how good the I-don’t-know-what are but to live for the fast cars,the action,the insanity,the craziness, the drama,the twists and I low key live for the sound effects.I don’t even like cars that much but heck,that neon orange lambo! You’ve got to watch it,in a movie hall nonetheless.It’s not a rip off and it’s so worth it.See how I will suck big time in doing reviews?Though I have to say that Cipher,she had some pretty cool dreadlocks that I kept on scrutinizing was IT for me.She was a proper Bad Bitch.

My favorite line;

“I’m gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat you’ll have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to brush ’em.

So,if you’re going to be watching it,buckle up and enjoy the ride.I am still riding on that high.

When the night falls-part I

I figured I talk too much,even in writing so I’m gonna split it into two parts.

Pawa 254,is a creative space and all that good stuff that art junkies love .PAWA254 was created to support and foster young creatives and promote arts and culture geared towards social impact in Kenya.I have literally copy pasted that,how unoriginal Jojo,but you do get the idea.

It’s 4th of April,on a lazy Tuesday evening,it’s after class and it has been a long day,okay it has not honestly but it just feels like it has.I turn on my internet connection,to check any notifications from the class group chat,because it’s the start of another academic year and there’s that expected confusion,mixing up of rooms with other faculties, lecturers standing us up.It’s the first week I mean,so it’s not that bad.My girl, justified ecstacy(she has an amazing blog too,check her here)had hit me up like at around 1900 hours and even before opening,I knew it was an art thing and since she’s my buddy in these ventures we are always out,looking for gigs and what not.My elation goes up a notch.She has sent me a poster about an event at pawa,apparently that’s how it called in these streets.I even get more excited when I see that the entry is free,so I reply to her message immediately, I’m game.Okay I did not say that,I’m not that cool,but it sounds pretty cool in my head,like …uum..dang it,you get it.So,the next few days whisk away like sand through one’s fingers and it’s Thursday,I am heading for my Philosophy class with a couple of friends having the normal banter to and fro.

“Jojo…jojo…hol’up”

that’s how she speaks literally,I am not exaggerating this.So,si I stop and wait for her to catch up.

“I don’t know if I will be able to make it on Friday,something has come up and it’s at the same time, but I will let you know tomorrow if I will come,” she says,apologetically.Her face says more than her words can.And I knew the moment she said ‘something has come up’ ,it won’t end up well and I will be solo on this.

“Uum..eazeh.We’ll figure it out kesho then.No worries sis”I tell her reassuringly,with an ear to ear smile plastered on my face and I mean it.So we rush to class before we give our lecturer,that old lady a bad day.

My mind wheels had already started turning.I do not know where the heck pawa is.I just know it’s somewhere around uptown, around statehouse road,Nairobi Serena hotel,you know something of the sort.My oh my! Now what am I gonna do,huh?I might as well stay behind and try to watch Game of thrones,I should really put more effort in moving from episode 4.I think I have lost the story line by now.Season 1!You can give up on GOT you know,the buzz doesn’t mean a thing.You know you’re never gonna move from that episode yeah?

Subconsciously,I open Google Maps and type Pawa 254 on the search bar, as I zoom in I relax a bit.It’s not that bad.Get this,I am so bad with directions,both giving and taking,like I can not express it in writing.And this is worse because it’s a new place for me.So,if I say it’s not that bad,I do mean it is not.

It’s Friday afternoon and a wave of sickness hits me and I am almost into bursts of tears because this is not how I envisioned my Friday.It was supposed to be filled with positive energy but I guess the chilly morning already scraped that away.I try to sleep to get the sickness to go away.I don’t know much about this theory,but it works because the mind is a powerful tool folks and you can get it to do what you want,look at Dynamo and Troy,huh?

I wake up and I am feeling slightly better but my left eye is swollen and my vision is quite interesting.I used to wonder when the girl ,who used to sit in front me in high school, got these things,how she used to see,how was she feeling,like my inquisitive nature was always trying to force itself out through my mouth but somehow,I never came around to ask her.Now,I was in her boots and,My God! these boots are NOT comfy in any way possible,even wearable.I feel like I am disillusioned and that I am going to spill things on my way.It’s already enough that I am not walking on a straight path.I wash my face,apply some vaseline,walk out and let some of that good sunshine that had come out while I was asleep hit my face,specifically my left eye.Please do that magic on your black girl,let those rays open this swollen bitch up.But that yellow ball was not spitting any of it’s usual waves.It had this cool demeanor with it today,only there because it had to,emitting just enough light,you know to prove it was daylight.Frustrated,I head back to my ka-house and sit on my bed,with my head in my cupped hands,making calculations.I decide I’m going to head out and check out a club thingy I had seen on the school mail and then come back and hit the bed, for a long night of travelling south to slumber land,or north.

Let’s just say I am spontaneous like that.

I am in a City Hoppa along Mbagathi Way,receiving change from the conductor as I am chatting with another friend of mine about how her holiday is coming along.She convinced me that some fresh air and maybe good music and poetry will make me feel better.Besides,that’s my kind of thing.Kipendacho roho ni dawa,literally.She alights at Kenyatta and I am left thinking,maybe I should have stayed back because my eye starts that irritating feel that’s begging me to scratch it out, and we all know how that always ends up and I am in a public transport bus where I know no single soul.So,I don’t risk it.

I get off at Serena and start walking up sijui Processional way.(I am confirming with Google Maps.Navigation is a no-no for me.)After around eight minutes of rearranging myself,I find my way up State House Road and I am almost relieved because my location shows I am really close to pawa,so I hasten my steps because it’s 17:38 hours,the event was to start at 17:00 hours but we’re all Africans and I have gone for a tad too many of these things to know how accurate they are with their African timing.It’s always going to be +2 hours.I always like to be in time to a new place,to familiarize myself with the place and make a friend or two,if my social anxiety allows me.

After walking for close to a solid twenty minutes,I start to realize I am going round the wall and chances are there’s no opening around or even in the next kilometre or so.I have walked quite a distance and sweat is pouring out of me like a fountain.Looking around there’s no one to ask for help,it’s just a straight up road with personal cars speeding up one lane and on the other lane,traffic is bulding up slowly.This day can not get any better?I think out loud.I keep on walking at a steady pace,hoping to see a person,anyone,at this moment,I don’t really care.I have thrown all my worries somewhere at the back of my brain,for the time being.

I see a lady who seems to be in her early forties,walking the opposite direction and I stop her.She’s giving me this quizzical look.

“Sasa,unaeza jua penye pawa 254 iko”

“aaiiii…hapo dio wapi sasa?” she says with a Kikuyu laden voice,with an unmistaken motherly tone.You could not miss it.

“okay,ni place yenye musicians hupatana na kupractice na vitu ka hizo na pia wanakuwanga na maevents and youths hukuwa hapo pia.Hujawai sikia watu wakiimba ukipita hapa ama kitu ka iyo tu?,” I ask with a helpless voice,my most humble tone in action.

I try to describe it simply,she seems like she works around here so I hoped she would know of pawa.I feel like mentioning Boniface Mwangi,penye ule activist wa politics na human rights hukuwa based ,but I decide against it.

“Heee! mimi hapo sijui.Lakini nadhani hapo penye unasema ni hapa nyuma, juu naskiaga wakisheza gitaa na pia sauti nzuri nzuri zikitoka mahali hapa,hebu twede hivi nikuonyeshe.Eeeh, niko na uhakika ni hapo unaongelelea.Si ni karibu kila siku kunakuwanga na kitu hapo?”

I nod,my hopes rising.

“eeeh ni hapo”

.And because it’s the only creative hub I know of around there,I am sure it’s the one she’s talking of.

“Hee! Na si umetembea sana.Ukienda hivi kwenda juu utaenda mbali sana,itabidi umezunguka hii ukuta yote,msichana wangu.Hii state house road hukuwa lefu sana na si wewe pekee umepotea hata.Classic Kenyan,I smirk.Watu wegi huconfuse hii njia,alafu unajua hakuna hata magari huku matatus,she means hata askari hutapata.Sasa ungefanya nini kama hungepata mtu kwa njia don’t get ahead of yourself woman heee na giza inaingia hata si kitu mbaya ingekufanyikia na wewe ni msichana eh?”she chimes away,as if to no one in particular,with concern laced on her voice.

c’mon,it’s not even six o’clock but you do have a valid point.

“Yaani,ningeendelea kutembea hivi,”I chip in ,at least to let her know I am not another ungrateful bastard,”Aki asante mum hujui venye umenisaidia aki huwezi jua,thanks sana”

“Hakuna shida,iyo njia unafaa kueda ni hapo juu tu.Unaona opposite Kenyatta,unapada juu tu kidogo ni kama unaenda hapo Integrity Centre,iyo building ya yero,halafu upade juu tena.Si mbali hata,ni hapo tu.”

I kid you not,I was even more confused but I smiled and was nodding as she kept explaining with a lot of unnecessary handiwork.Kenyans,sigh!

I tell her my thank you’s once again and turn to follow her ‘directions’.Long story short,I was trailing a certain couple and I eavesdropped their conversation.who raised you up?where are your manners?In my defence they were so loud and clearly they were headed to pawa,so I hopped onto their bandwagon ,from the back of course by that I mean I kept a safe distance behind them.We arrive at the place.I am tired,hungry,my feet are aching and I am sweating alot,even the guard asks me why I look so bothered and I just heave a sigh of relief and wave him off.Stories with guards are always so plastic to me,so no,not today soldier.

We are shown to the rooftop and the shock that greets my eyes,

Part II coming up,it was too long I  had to break it folks.